Do I Need to Forgive?

It always amazes me how the same general message to everyone can have such a different meaning to each individual. Today's QT shook my thoughts again, and I thought, maybe it's me who should let go.

Below is the whole devotional. You can choose not to read it, of course. But there's no way to summarize it (at least, in my present state of mind) without losing any impact. You really gotta just read the whole thing...



"Forgiveness is surely one of the most misunderstood concepts in Christianity. Despite the fact that we are all called to forgive as our Father in heaven forgives, misunderstandings and misconceptions are widespread. In this devotional, we want to take you deeper in your understanding of what it means to truly forgive.

As is so often the case, it's easier to consider forgiveness by taking a look at what it's not.

First, we have to acknowledge that forgiveness is not an emotion. It is a conscious choice which has nothing to do with how we feel. We choose that we will no longer expect those who hurt us to repay us for the harm that was done. We choose that we will get on with our lives and no longer dwell on the hurt.

In past devotionals, we've looked at other, similar choices we are called to make which are often confused with a feeling. These include our choice to love our enemies, our choice to be humble and our choice to be thankful. Forgiveness certainly falls into this category. If we believe that we have to wait for our anger to subside before we can forgive, then we have the issue entirely backwards. The choice to forgive comes first; the soothing of our emotions comes consequently.

Forgiveness is not about the person who wronged us; it's about us. If we will not forgive someone who failed to meet our expectations, we start to change on the inside. We become angry and resentful. The quality of our own life begins to suffer and in this way, we compound the wrongdoing until it becomes something far more damaging than it originally was. One of the most important reasons we must forgive is that we cannot grow into the mature Christian Jesus is calling us to be with all that hurt and animosity building up inside us. Forgiveness is that act by which we release ourselves from our own prison of bitterness.

Forgiveness does not require that the wrongdoer apologize or is remorseful. It does not even require that they are aware of the fact that they hurt us. All that is required is that we simply say, "I'm letting this go. I will not let this incident change me in any way. I'm getting over it." What the wrongdoer does or does not do makes no difference in our decision to move past it and begin healing. As we release them from their duty to remedy the harm that was done, we release ourselves from the burden of making them accountable to their responsibility.

Forgiveness does not mean that we forget and it certainly does not mean that we need to stay in a relationship with the one who wronged us. If someone hurt of one my children, you can be certain that I would never forget and would never again allow them to be near my children. If it were a friend of mine who did such a terrible thing, then we could no longer be friends after such a violation of trust. Forgiveness does not require that relationships never change. It does require that we move past the incident in our hearts and that we refrain from dwelling on it.

Finally, forgiveness does not mean that the wrongdoer "gets away with it" or is "off the hook." It certainly does not mean that we condone what was done to us. Lewis Smedes explains,


"When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it. "


Furthermore, our forgiveness does not prevent us from perusing appropriate justice through the legal system, or from calling out to God and asking for His perfect justice to be done. A person who steals or murders should face the appropriate penalties under both our law and God's. What forgiveness does is change the reason we desire that they should be brought to justice. Before we forgive, it's natural to feel that they should be made to suffer just as they made us suffer. We want them to pay for what they've done to us! After we forgive, a transformation happens in our heart. We have released them from their obligation to us and so we can now peruse appropriate justice for its own sake, not for our own. We trust their fate to God and the courts, content that they no longer have any obligation or responsibility to us.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is also not optional - our Lord commands it. If you are having difficulty forgiving someone today, take a moment and examine your reasons. Is it because the hurt is so big? The bigger the hurt, the more devastating is your prison of bitterness and therefore the more important it becomes to let yourself out. Are you having difficulty because they have not apologized and show no signs of changing their behavior? Remember that your forgiveness is about you, not about them. Are you struggling because you are still so angry and hurt? The pain will not subside until you make the choice to forgive. Ask the Lord for the strength and conviction to emulate Him, and make that decision today."



If you've been told, or if you know, the intricate web that's my life now, you might see just how this impacts me.

Forgiveness sure is alot harder than I thought I'm capable of...

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you".
-Lewis B. Smedes

I don't know who this Lewis B. Smedes is, but he sure is insightful. But even more insightful, and apparently much deeper than I thought it was, is this verse from GOD's Word:

"For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
-Matthew 6:14-15