Chocolate Cold Turkey

Woke up this morning with a nosebleed. At first, I thought it was just runny mucus or something, so I kinda absent-mindedly wiped my nose with my hand. Then I saw the blood... and I was jumping out of bed with my hand under my nose! Haha! This would be the 3rd time I ever nose-bled in my life.

What's worse is that I'm sick now... probably down with a flu, from the aches I'm feeling this morning. And everytime my nose runs, I have to gingerly touch the mucus to make sure it's not blood. I mean, you never know, right? *sigh* If I know it's just mucus, I would've sniffled it back, but I don't wanna sniffle blood back into my nose! O the irritation... *grrr*

Right now, I just want to recover fast... I need to be well by Friday man... that means, no more chocolate for me... And the torture is: I just bought 500g (2 x 250g blocks) of Cadbury on Saturday! *sigh* It's worse than the following:

You see her everyday...

"One month ago today,
I was happy as a lark.
But now, I go for walks,
To the movies, maybe to the park.

I have a seat on the same old bench
To watch the children play.
You know, tomorrow's their future,
But for me, just another day.

They all gather round me,
They seem to know my name.
We laugh, tell a few jokes,
But it still doesn't ease my pain.

I know I can't hide from the memories,
Though day after day I've tried.
I keep saying, "She'll be back..."
But today, again I've lied.

Oh, I see her face everywhere I go;
On the streets and even at the picture show.
Have you seen her?
Tell me have you seen her?

Oh, I hear her voice as the cold winds blow;
And the sweet music on the radio.
Have u seen her?
Tell me have u seen her?

Why, oh why did she have to leave and go away?
Oh, I've been used to having someone to lean on.
And I'm lost,
Baby, I'm lost.

Have u seen her?
Tell me have u seen her?

She left her kiss upon my lips,
But left the break within my heart.

Have you seen her?
Tell me have you seen her?

Oh, I see her hand reaching out to me.
Only she can set me free.

Have you seen her?
Tell me have you seen her?

Why, oh why did she have to leave and go away?
Oh, I've been used to having someone to lean on.
And I'm lost,
Baby, I'm lost.

Have you seen her?
Tell me have you seen her?

As another day comes to an end,
I'm looking for a letter, or something...
Anything that she would send.
With all the people that I know, I'm still a lonely man.

You know, it's funny;
I thought I had her in the palm of my mind.

Have you seen her?
Tell me have you seen her?"

-The Stylistics: Have You Seen Her

Insomnia

Went to bed around 11:30pm... tossed and turned, sleep didn't come. So I went to the window to take a look outside... cooler air, but nothing new or interesting to see. So I lit 2 tealights and placed them on my shelf, but I still couldn't sleep. Came out to blog in a pretty emo mood, but chatting and browsing through pictures of unknown girls on Facebook cheered me up abit. Hey, that sounds wrong. Actually, it was all Vic's fault. Hahaha! She said Joshua saw a girl who looked like me and gave me a link with no picture. End up, I found myself going through whoever's photo album looking for a female version of me. That particular photo looked quite... eeek. But the person's own profile proved her to be much prettier and pleasant-looking than me with long hair, boobs, a dress, and a clutch purse. On second thoughts, most anything would be more pleasant-looking than that. Hahaha!

Oh wells... not emo anymore... but I still miss you.

I'm gonna try & take a cold shower, light an apple-scented tealight, and try to sleep again.

I hope my fever doesn't take me down in the night...

Alone

I apologize beforehand, to the one whose mind will wander to other similar songs, but this chorus was what I really felt at that moment...


"I was a midnight rider on a cloud of smoke,
I could make a woman hang on every single stroke;
I was an iron man,
I had a master plan,
But I was alone.

I could hear you breathing with a sigh of the wind,
I remember how your body started trembling.
Oh, what a night it's been,
And for the state I'm in,
I'm still alone.

And all the wonders made for the Earth,
And all the hearts in all creation,
Somehow I always end up alone,
Always end up alone.

So I play, I'll wait,
'cause you know that love takes time.
We came so far,
Just the beat of a lonely heart,
And it's mine.
And I don't want to be alone.

Well, since I got no message on the answer phone,
And since you're busy every minute, I just stay at home.
I make believe you care,
I feel you everywhere,
But I'm still alone.

I'm on a wheel of fortune with a twist of fate,
'cause I know it isn't heaven. Is it love or hate?
Am I the subject of the pain?
Am I the stranger in the rain?
I am alone.

And is there glory there to behold,
Maybe it's my imagination.
Another story there to be told.

So I play, I'll wait,
And I pray it's not too late.
You know we came so far,
Just the beat of a lonely heart,
And it's mine.
And I don't want to be alone.

Gone, but not out of sight.
I'm caught in the rain and there's no one home.
Face the heat of the night,
The one that you love's got a heart that's made of stone.

Shine and search for the light,
And sooner or later you'll be cruising on your ocean.
Shine and clean out of sight,
I'm caught in the rain and there's no one home."

-Bee Gees: Alone




Or do I?

Can't Let Go...

I was supposed to meet Shuxian for lunch at Commonwealth, at 12:30pm. Got back from airport at 8, set my alarm to go off at 11. Unfortunately, the only alarm I heard was when Shuxian called me, and it was 12:30pm already. Ended up not going today. *sigh*

As I lay on the sofa, I can't help but think of back when things were so good. I was really really happy and contented. I thought things could never be bad anymore. I thought it's gonna be forever. I remember waking up to see you sleeping, seeing you breathing, your smell so... so you. And I could just sit there and look at you while you slept... except somehow everytime I do that, it seems you'd wake up soon after.

Obviously experience hasn't gotten through my thick head. If something is too good to be true, it probably is. Ha... Common cliche in the photographic community. Never expected it to apply in real life too.

I miss you very much, you know? I still cry my nights to sleep... =( Feel so pathetic. Feel so lame. So lame.



"It still feels like our first night together;
Feels like the first kiss,
It's getting better baby, no one can better this,
Still holding on, you're still the one.
First time our eyes met, same feeling I get,
Only feels much stronger, I wanna love you longer.
You still turn the fire on.

So if you're feeling lonely, don't!
You're the only one I'll ever want.
I only want to make it good,
So if I love you a little more than I should...

Please forgive me, I know not what I do.
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you.
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through.
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do.
Please believe me,
Every word I say is true.
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you.

Still feels like our best times are together.
Feels like the first touch,
Still getting closer baby,
Can't get close enough.
Still holding on,
You're still number one.

I remember the smell of your skin,
I remember everything;
I remember all the moves,
I remember you, yeah.
I remember the nights,
You know I still do.

The one thing I'm sure of,
Is the way we make love.
The one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong.
With every word and every breath I'm praying,

That's why I'm saying.."

-Bryan Adams: Please Forgive Me

Look into my eyes...

"If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I can't make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me,
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting
To be with you again?
Gonna tell you that I love you
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever.
I just gotta let you know
That I'll never let you go.

When you look me in the eyes.
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes."

-Jonas Brothers: When You Look Me In the Eyes