Brrr...

"So I looked in your direction,
But you paid me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me,
'cause you say you see straight me, don't you?

On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me.
I'll be waiting in line
Just to see if you care.

Did she want me to change?
But I change for good.
And I want you to know.
But you always get your way,
I wanted to say,

Don't you shiver? Shiver, shiver...

I'll always be waiting for you,
So you know how much I need you,
But you never even see me, do you?

And this is my final chance of getting you.

Sing it loud and clear.
I'll always be waiting for you.
I'll always be waiting for you.
I'll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.

And it's you I see, but you don't see me.
And it's you I hear, so loud and so clear.
I sing it loud and clear.
And I'll always be waiting for you.

So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you,
But you never even see me."

-Coldplay: Shiver

A Touching Video, even if I do say so myself.

Lazy Sunday afternoon... Ian's asleep on the living room sofa, mum's asleep in the room. I wanted to sleep but decided not to, so I came to use my computer. When I'm in my room, I usually have some form of music on... so yes, my iPod was playing.

"Happy Birthday" by Corinne May came on, and I thought of Mel and the video I made for her birthday, so I stopped my iPod and watched it on my computer, 3 months after it was played for its intended audience.

And I realize that Mel is a really blessed girl. Yes you are, dear... you really really are. You might not realize but GOD has blessed you so richly that sometimes, the only troubles you have are which group of friends to spend time with because you have so many. Haha! Ain't that right?

And when the video played to the part where her dad's speech was made, and I listened to what he said again (even though I was the one who recorded it), I can never be surer of her blessedness. And I feel that her family is such a close-knit one... really. At times, I even feel envious and wished for my family to be just that little bit like theirs... Of course, every family has squabbles and tantrums. But in the end, what holds everyone together is love. And there is no more genuine love than what I see in her family.

So Mel, cherish your family... of course, your friends too. When you feel that things are not right between you and people, just have a look at the video again, and I'm pretty sure you'll feel very loved.

I miss you...

COMEX

I think I'm finally getting a glimpse of what's so fun about shopping and spending money.

Went to COMEX today after work. My shopping list consists of the following:

1) 1TB harddisk
2) 2 x 300GB harddisk
3) 50pc CD-R
4) Value for money thumbdrive
5) A compact tripod that can extend its legs to 1m at least
6) Prices of Lumix compacts
7) Any other gadgets that might interest me

The 1TB harddisk is for myself, of course. The 300GB ones are for Tiffany and her sister. The CD-Rs and thumbdrive is for my mum. The rest, I couldn't get my hands on coz they were full with items 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Now, I was thinking maybe the ATMs at Suntec would have not much cash left coz everyone would be withdrawing from there. So I withdrew $500 from CityLink Mall. Took a stroll around the 6th floor once through, knew where to get my things from, made a beeline to the store, got items 1, 2 and 4 from the same store. The total cost was $499.70. I gave the lady 10 $50 notes and got back a 20c coin and a 10c coin. Haha! Honestly, that was quite shiok... to just throw a wad of cash away... not literally of course. Tiffany would be missing out on the shiokness of that. =P

Anyways, came home and tried to copy my media files onto my new harddisk... I tried to partition it and stuff but it seems to cock up every now and then. I hope this won't be going on for long. Oh by the way, I got me a Western Digital My Book Essential harddisk. This is just a basic plug-and-play harddisk. What I found out was the Element series is ugly. The Home version has USB, Firewire and eSATA connections, and the World version is connected to the home router and you can access it wirelessly. Cool eh? Hahaha! But for everyone who's on a budget but likes his things looking good, Essential is the way to go.

I'm wondering how long I'll take to fill this thing up... heh...

I was chatting with Jun just now, and I realized (after some time) that her nick is really quite apt. "When was the last time?" I don't know really... Life has been dramatically different from the youthful days of craze, fun, joy, friends and late nights out. Nowadays, I'm just bored, alone, and home way way way way way too early for a 25 year old. Maybe I need some late nights out too... late till I only get home when the dawn breaks, or even when noon comes... that sounds like fun!

But wait... alone? *pffft* That's a load of crap.

Oh yes, I couldn't resist the temptation. After so many months of reasoning, I reasoned that not everything needs to be logical, and ordered my high-powered UV flashlight. When that arrives, I'm gonna take that, my Tiablo, a huge water bottle, maybe my infrared camera, and go hiking into MacRitchie reservoir. Whether or not there'll be company will not be an issue, since I'm sure nobody shares my interest in a nightwalk and its dangers. In fact, I don't know many people who share my interest in danger-induced adrenaline spikes. Oh wells... just as well... or I might have gotten killed years ago. *shrugs*

Oh wells... maybe it's time to sleep. No danger in that...



... or is there?

Drained...

I was weak... I followed the crowd... again.

This week, I shall be in pretty dreary colors. Unfortunately, I do not have many dreary-looking bags... so if I can, I shall not don a bag to work.

And so, I have decided.

It wasn't easy... it really wasn't.

*sigh*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Give me time
To realise my crime.
Let me love and steal.
I have danced inside your eyes.
How can I be real?

Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
Precious kisses,
Words that burn me.
Lovers never ask you why.
In my heart the fire's burning.
Choose my colour,
Find a star.
Precious people always tell me
That's a step...
A step too far.

Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?

Words are few,
I have spoken.
I could waste a thousand years.
Wrapped in sorrow, words are token.
Come inside and catch my tears.
You've been talking but believe me,
If it's true you do not know,
This boy loves without a reason.
I'm prepared to let you go.

If it's love you want from me,
Then take it away.
Everything is not what you see.
It's over today."

-Culture Club: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me

Hate this!

I totally hate this!!!

RA-A-A-AWR!!!!
Don't ask me what "this" is. I will never tell.

Tug-of-war and a Not-so-lonely Nightwalk

*ahem*

K, I actually wanted to blog yesterday but ended up doing some other stuff... so I shall blog about what I wanna blog about yesterday today.

But first, the tug-of-war...

I'm the prize (so to speak) and the competitors are CSC and Compliance. By right, my contract with Compliance ends tomorrow and I'm suppose to go over to CSC Monday. Thing is, I haven't gotten my contract for CSC, and Compliance wants to extend my contract. By sheer force, Compliance would get me on their side. But knowing that it's not fair to CSC, the heads of each department had a short little chat with me and gave me the power of choice.

Now that's tough... Apparently, where I work should be where I'm happiest. But knowing me, I'm happy working at both sides, so it's like a constant. So I told my boss that, because happiness is a constant, I need to rely on some other factor that will make my choice: Which side's projects are more important to the bank? I'm glad my boss spoke objectively and I take my hat off her. She said from a management point of view, CSC would be the one who'd need my assistance more. So yes, I have decided to "forsake" Compliance for CSC.

But these 3 weeks at Compliance have let me see that Miang Cze is practically buried with account openings, and Gavin is juggling between account openings and some other projects. So yes, Compliance is uber busy as well. Since I've been to both sides, I know that my workload isn't brimming, and I suggested that maybe something could be worked out for me to do work for both sides, while Compliance hunts for another temp worker. So my boss says that's a good compromise, but we'll have to see how's my workload when I switch departments.

Meanwhile, I got thinking, both departments want me badly because I've got experience with both sides. Madelin has experience with CSC. So if somehow everyone can agree to hire Madelin, then I could stay on to help in Compliance, and Madelin could help out in CSC! Everyone's happy, no? YES! I can't see any bad point in this. So I SMSed Madelin to ask her, but then I got low batt, so I'm gonna ask her on MSN... Unfortunately, she's not replying me for now. Haha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last night, I met Bingjun for supper at Casuarina. His classes ended at 10, so I thought maybe I'll take a stroll through the reservoir and look for scorpions. So I did. Brought 2 LED lights and a UV light to search for scorpions.

Even though I've walked through the pitch black and rustles of the secondary rainforest twice alone and once with company, I gotta admit it still gives me the heebie-jeebies when I went alone last night. There were new animal sounds, rustling and howling and plopping. Really creepy. But on I went coz I had to get to Casuarina somehow, and I'm already all geared up, so I just pushed on.

A third of the way into the dark, illuminated only with UV (which is almost totally useless since nothing fluoresces except littered tissue paper, yellowing leaves and bit and pieces of white rubbish), I saw some really bright flashes up ahead, and was instantly relieved. Photographers! I thought they might have found some cool insects or just hunting for them. It was a wet night, so termites would be moving, ants would be migrating, worms would be crawling... and lizards would be out hunting. Turns out, they weren't macro-photographers. They were bird-watchers. So what birds are there in the pitch black? It didn't cross my mind then, but they were shooting owls! Cool... and apparently they spotted a pretty rare find. Good for them! I trudged on thinking they might be at that spot awhile. I spotted a REALLY pretty caterpillar and stooped down to have a closer look. Those bird watchers caught up and overtook me. Not wanting to be left in the dark after having such brief company, I got up and walked with them behind. And also because their torches were totally pathetic. Time to show off! Hahaha!

So I was talking to 2 girls at the back. They sound like Malaysians, or PRC. No matter, I realized that one of them was using an FZ30! Woohoo! And their leader, who went on ahead much quicker, was using an FZ50! I'm using an FZ20 you know? =)

Well, nearing the end of the trail, they spotted an animal which they suspect was a mousedeer. How cool is that?! I didn't know mousedeers roamed the reservoir floors... So we squinted and stared intently into the dim light of their lousy torches. I didn't wanna shine mine coz the sudden brightness might scare the little critter.

*gasp*

I saw eyeshine! And it was small! I could just make out the shape of a miniature deer in the bushes! How exciting!!! But well, since I didn't wanna do anything that could make things go wrong, I looked around me whilst 4 of them shone their weak torches looking for eyeshine and inching forward slowly to photograph it.

That's when I saw it.

A little light floating at stomach level... blinking... fading... blinking... fading... FIREFLY!!! Yay! It's the second time I see fireflies near the Casuarina end of the trail. Shone my torch at it and followed it around abit. I knew it was a beetle, but I just wanted to have a closer look. But since it was flying, it's elytra was up and the hindwings were a blur. As it flew deeper into the vegetation, I gave up chasing it.

So I continued looking at the mousedeer who, strangely, didn't run away. When their leader got closer to the animal, the others shone their spotlights at it. That's when I shone mine too, and the guy with the FZ50 could take a few shots. With flash, of course. But you need to spot it first mah.

Anyways, Bingjun was done already and was waiting for me at the coffeeshop. So I bid them farewell and went on my way. Had hor fun with him, then Guangyu came to pick us up, then sent us back.

Nice evening I had... =)

Ok! Time to have my dinner... Lalalala!

How Deep the Father's Love

I was doing my QT this morning in the office.

"And the king said to her, 'What do you wish, Queen Esther? What is your request? It shall be given to you - up to half my kingdom!'"
Esther 5:3

How generous the king was!

Following that, an example was given of one philosopher who, having served Alexander the Great outstandingly, wanted to borrow some money from him. His request: an equivalent of today's US$50,000. The treasurer was hesitant and asked Alexander about it, following which Alex merely granted the philosopher his money, saying that "By the large size of his request he shows that he has understood both my wealth and generosity."

Similarly, we see that our GOD is generous and gracious. But dissimilarly, his generosity and graciousness and mercy is infinite. No request is ever too big for GOD. But there's a catch: that the request be according to GOD's will and according to GOD's nature.

"He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all, how shall He not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"
Romans 8:32

Many times, I really do wonder if GOD can possibly forgive me again and again for the same sins I've committed time and again. It has been said that,

"It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace."
Hebrews 6:4-6

Yet, it has also been said that,

"... neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39

I have long been struggling with these 2 schools of thought. Sometimes, I'm quite sure that salvation can be lost because we're intentionally sinning, knowing the consequences. That kinda satisfies GOD's justice, doesn't it? On the other hand, I also feel that you cannot lose salvation because that's evident of GOD's grace.

Well, regardless, we should all live as though salvation can be lost. But fret not, because GOD is generous and gracious and merciful. So yes, HE can forgive you for those sins.

Big gifts are a sign of a big GOD.

Here's a song that really infiltrated my day. I've been humming it since morning...

"How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

Behold the Man upon the cross,
My sin upon His shoulder.
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out amoung the scoffers.

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me life,
I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom."

-How Deep the Father's Love

总有一天等到你；左三年，右三年

Listening to my dad's old CDs now... *sigh* I think I was inspired to listen to his collection after tonight's concert at ORPC... Mary Gan was there, and apparently it was a fund-raiser for MSM (Methodist School of Music). Anyways, it was a piano and violin concert... very shiok! Except for (as usual) inconsiderate Singaporeans surrounding us. Oh wells...

Listened to 蔡琴... oh man... her songs are damn nice. *swoons* And the lyrics are so-o-o sad... and emo... makes me feel emo too... haha!

"山又高呀水又急　你在东来我在西
山把我们分　水把我们离　我只有天天等着你
海无边呀洋无底　你在东来我在西
海把我们分　洋把我们离　我只有天天等着你
你是沙来我是泥　我们俩生就在一起
我是胶来你是漆　我们俩分开不容易
我重情呀你重义　你不抛来我不弃
山也不能分　海也不能离　我总有一天等到你"

蔡琴∶总有一天等到你



"想得我肠儿寸断
望得我眼儿欲穿
好容易望到了你回来
算算已三年
想不到才见面
别离又在明天
这一回你去了几时来
难道又三年
左三年右三年
这一生见面有几天
横三年竖三年
还不如不见面
明明不能再留恋
偏又苦苦缠绵
为什么放不下这条心
情愿受熬煎"

蔡琴∶三年

Would you look at the lyrics? How can songs these days even compare? Haha! Well, these are dedicated to you, and you... *hugs*

And this one more specially for you...

"我想念我爱
又虚度一宵没有谁
我眼看着蜡炬成灰
怕红泪对我也疑猜
我想念我爱
又虚度一宵没有谁
我眼看着窗儿转白
只能够懒懒对窗台
我要把红泪寄语我爱
要请他证明人不寐
我要把红泪寄语我爱
要让他知道早归来"

蔡琴∶红泪

Night Shoot

So I went phototaking after work today. Had a roll of Velvia 100 in my FM2n since that time I went to St John's with Vivian and gang. Brought along a roll of Press 800 and a roll of Reala 100 because I thought I might be snappy. I was at 20 I think, when I last saw the film dial. That means I only have 16 shots, 18 tops, to roll out the film. Sounds easy. Haha!

By the time I finish walking up to Liang Court and back down, on to Esplanade, up to the rooftop terrace, back down to City Link Mall, and to City Hall MRT, I just shot frame number 36. I think I can still squeeze a couple of shots from it. In other words, I didn't manage to finish that measly 16 shots. Can you believe it? A whole night of walking and shooting and I can't take 16 shots!

I did play with Bulb mode though... and I can't wait to see the results! Most of my shots were super wide at 19mm! Woohoo! Ni-i-ice almost panoramic pictures. Yay!

Anyways, on my way home, I dropped by the coffeeshop to get myself a packet of hokkien mee for dinner. Whilst waiting for it to be ready, I spotted a 联合晚报 on the table, so I borrowed it from the hokkien mee auntie. I discovered something I find hilarious. Haha! And I bet not many of you know that... PDA is an offence punishable with a fine of up to $500! Hahaha!

What's PDA? Public Display of Affection! Means hugging and french kissing and feeling each other up on the train or on the bus, oblivious to the stares you're getting. Maybe some of you know you're getting stares... and you love it! Hahaha! Either way, if someone reports you or something, I don't know how, you can get fined up to $500 for public disturbance/distress. Haha! You never know when someone just broke up or has been dateless for half a century and seeing you all kissy-huggy is the last thing he/she needs to see. =)

So yes, all you teens with raging hormones, go somewhere private... like the rooftop terrace of the Esplanade where it's dark. Man, I can't believe how many couples there were squeezed into an area of darkness. I wandered there because the glass window that looked down into Esplanade Mall has a very interesting shape. But when my eyes got used to the dark there, I was like, WHOA!!! Some were lying on the grass, some were leaning on the benches, slouching in some corner, etcetera etcetera... so much hanky panky going on! *tsk tsk* I bet a flash would've scared all of them. Haha! No, I didn't do it... unfortunately.

K la... I shall not rant anymore. Actually, this post wasn't much of a rant also. It's just finger exercise... again... after a whole day of finger exercising... *sigh*

MORE Retail Therapy

Haha! I spent a total of $155 today!!! Sale everywhere! In fact, G2000 has been having a sale for the past month! Damnit! I wanted to get that black shirt again, but with cufflinks, and I wanted a white version too... I want more white shirts that're nice to wear!

I bought an identical pair of black pants to one I already own, coz it was so comfortable and easy to iron. Got me a white cuff-link shirt. The usual price for these 2 would've come up to $102... and I got them at $50! Woohoo! I went to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 6 G2000 stores today, and the black and white ones that I wanted don't have stock at all... Some have stock but no size, even more idiot. The last store I went was Wisma's one... they've got stock for the shirts I want, but not the cuff-links version. But since they're both the same price, I wanna hunt some more before giving up. Got a list of all G2000 stores around Singapore... might go hunting the next few days. Haha!

At Suntec, I went to Aussino to look for the bedsheets I was looking at yesterday. Once again, don't have the size I wanted, which was single. All they had were super singles... hai. So I got them to call up some stores. For the record, I went to PS branch and Paragon branch yesterday. So when they told me the Paragon branch has stock, I was like, no, I just went there yesterday. They told me stocks arrived this morning. Heh. I got them to reserve for me for 3 days and was heading home on the MRT later on when I realize I might as well get off at Orchard, collect it, then no need to go Orchard again the next few days. So yeah, I got my 2 sets of bedsheets for a total of $29.40! From Aussino k! What a GREAT DEAL!!!

And I bought an Olive Green 4 Million Dollar Home for $75! RRP is $102, so I've got a 25% discount off that... =)

Hmm... so tempting to buy more and more shirts... and ties too! Pretty pretty ties! We'll see how the next few days' shopping goes. Lalala!

Crazy News!!!

Ok, so I'm sitting at my desk surfing the web. I've finish my responsibilities at work thus far.

Read something crazy.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/11/technology/11apple.html?no_interstitial

Some guy apparently launched a lamer application for the iPhone that merely displays a huge shiny ruby on the phone's display and announces to the world that the buyer of the application is not just rich, but stupid. What's more stupid is that it costs $1000. And what's EVEN more stupid is that there actually are people who bought it!!! 8, in fact. And with the developer pocketing 70% of sales, that's quite an amount, considering the stupidity of the application. But I guess humans are somewhat stupider (if there's such a word). Well, Einstein's right in saying,

"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

In other crazy news, the direction of turn of the Singapore flyer has been reversed. At the beginning, it rose such that the first view you see is the CBD, Fullerton side, then went down the Suntec side. In other words, if you're facing the flyer with your back facing Conrad, the flyer was turning clockwise. Now, it's turning anti-clockwise. Why? Apparently feng shui masters (yes, plural, as in more than one) have been approaching the management advising them that it's in a perfect location to pick up good "qi" flowing into Singapore (I'm guessing coz it's at the mouth of the Singapore River), but it's turning in the wrong direction, thus pushing away the good "qi" instead.

And to think the management actually listened!

K la, I can't blame them. After all, I don't think it'll make a difference which direction it turns. I would change the direction too, if only to stop the annoying "masters" from pestering me. *shrugs* Well, next time you're on the Singapore Flyer, that's a little trivia you can tell your friends! Yay!

In yet other news, I didn't know Britney Spears' sister, Jamie Spears, is married, and have even given brith! What the heck. She's 17! And I thought she was still acting in Zoey101 in Nickelodeon. Apparently not when she was pregnant. Heh... She looks freakily like Britney though... but hey, they're sisters. Haha!

17... already given birth. Man...

Wrong Expectations

And after all this while, there's still no sign of you...

*sigh*


"I've been up all night, you've been puttin' up a fight.
Seems like nothin' I say gets through.
How did this old bed fit a world between me and you.
We said "Goodnight" but the silence was so thick
you could cut it with a knife.
We've hit the wall again and there's nothin' I can do.
You're the one, yea, I've put all my trust in your hands.
C'mon and look in my eyes, here I am, here I am

You don't understand me, my baby.
You don't seem to know that I need you so much.
You don't understand me, my feelings,
the reason I'm breathin', my love

The mornin' comes and you're reaching out for me
just like everything's the same
and I let myself believe things are gonna change.
When you kiss my mouth and you hold my body close,
do you wonder who's inside?
Maybe there's no way we could feel each other's pain.
Tell me why it gets harder to know where I stand.
I guess loneliness found a new friend, here I am

You don't understand me...

You don't seem to get me, my baby.
You don't really see that I live for your touch.
You don't understand me,
My dreams or the things I believe in, my love.
You don't understand me.
You don't understand me.
Understand me..."

Roxette: You Don't Understand Me

Night Cycling

In the end, I decided to go for night cycling. I guess I really wanted to go but felt really weird. But in the end, it's them requiring my walkie talkies that made me go. But whaddya know, they already have 5 better talkies! And Guangyu has 7 EVEN better ones... Who knew so many people have so many walkie talkies? Damn... and I thought I was the gadget guy. I need more gadgets...

Anyhow, alot of people were surprised to see me. Haha! Like, long time no see. And I was like, ya ya... and didn't continue talking much. I just don't clique with them anymore.

I talk to Doris and Anqi and Bernice and Simin and Dennis and Fiona and Freda and Bingjun and Dexter and Derrick though. Oh, and Shiyi too. That's... 11 people... out of 40+. Ha...

But it was an enjoyable ride la. Not long enough for my liking though... and not tiring enough... not until the last stretch starting from Fort Rd back to Macs, where I turned my bike up to the highest gear and peddled halfway hands-free, and halfway arched like a racer trying to achieve better aerodynamics. I think the racer stance really helps. I overtook SO many people! I mean, I started Fort Rd at the back back back... nearly the last. I ended more than half ahead. Haha! K, nvm where I ended. I just felt that the stance was really faster.

Waited with Dexter till 7:30am to send the bikes back. Derrick and Qihang too. There were 2 groups of elderly people at the beach, 1 practising qi gong, I think. And the other one is just trying to distract the qi gong group. The things they do so funny. Like, got one, the exercise seemed like just laughing out loud, "Hee hee hee hee ho ho ho ho hahahahaha!" I guess that helps in lung power or something, but huh? Then after that they were like "Jia you jia you jia you! POP!" It was balloons bursting. Then we were like, wah, they're nuts man, asking old people to blow up balloons till they burst. Then after every pop, they will clap clap clap, then after awhile, start the chanting again... "Jia you jia you jia you! POP!" Craziness...

Well, I took 76 all the way home and I slept on the bus. Curiously, I woke up before my stop and felt quite rested already. Came home, bathed, surfed net till 11, then I got nothing to do, so I decided to take a nap, expecting mum to wake me for lunch. When I next woke up, it was like 5+ already... shit.

So now, I'm wondering if I should go sleep early...

*sigh* So lonely... I need to hang out more with friends... hai. There's no point always waiting online, hoping for something to happen.

I wanna buy more films and go out shooting, but there's no one to go with.

I wanna buy a Crumpler bag to keep my lomo cams in when I go out, but there's not many people to go out with.

Help... =(

Work Hard, Play Hard?

This morning when I came in to work, I sat down in my chair and turned on my computer. I started to surf BibleGateway for some additional resources i.e. devotionals, and I usually go straight to one of the links, but today, one other website caught my eye. So I read once through the devotional there, intending this to be just a leisure read.

Its title: Work Hard, Play Hard.

"It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones."
-Psalm 127:2

The author talks about his teen working experience with a guy who seemed well-versed with the world and knows how to live life to its max.

"He explained that most people waste their life by working half-heartedly at menial jobs for eight hours a day and then coming home to nothing more than television and sleep, only to repeat the entire process the next day. Eventually, they wake up and realize they are past the prime of their lives and have not accomplished anything of consequence.

For Scott, this was the epitome of a wasted life. He cautioned me to make every second count and never to waste time on anything that wasn't either hard work or serious leisure."

Now, this sounds perfectly logical to me at first, because I feel that life shouldn't be like that, as reflected in some of my previous posts. Like that, as in, work, home, TV, eat, sleep, work, home, TV, eat, sleep... To me, that is the epitome of a wasted life too. I guess the greatest part that I identify with is the part about TV... a total waste of time and electricity.

So, you can imagine my surprise when this next sentence came up:

"... it was the voice of the enemy. It was no life at all."

This perked my attention as I continued reading.

"Every good lie the enemy tells us is effective because it contains some truth, and the truth in Scott's philosophy is that it really is very important that we make our time on earth count. The lie is that a good life has anything to do with fourteen hour work days or luxurious vacations."

Note the text in bold. I think in our daily lives, this is the kind of lies we need to be on high alert for. Because they contain some truth, it's hard to zone in on the exact lie. And because it sounds correct, we let it sink into our heads as logically sound teaching. That's where it'll manifest itself into other areas of our lives!!!

"Living a good life is about service to and relationships with God, our family and our community."

Now, THAT is the meaning of a good life: service and relationships.

And this further strengthens my belief in looking for and waiting for a job you're passionate about, and that it shouldn't ever be one in the financial sector... no, I'm stereotyping. It shouldn't ever be one where I need to OT alot and requires me to mull over it during my off-work hours:

"How many times do our spouses or children come to us, asking for a little of our time and we send them away because we have important work to do? We tell them that it was not in our plans for today and resent any attempt to alter our agenda. We tell our spouses that we are working hard in order to provide a better life or that we are taking on one more contract to pay for that next getaway. Sure, expensive vacations are nice, but are they really more essential than the occasional dinner with your wife? More valuable than a night out with friends? More precious than holding your new born baby while she sleeps?"

No, they aren't. Like what my dad told me (and I believe I've posted this before), the end of life should be that we've enjoyed it the way GOD has it for us.

That's why, it is also important that we don't do the following:

"When we are consumed by that lifestyle, He (Jesus) too becomes just one more interruption and one more obstacle in our way to getting more work accomplished. So many times I told Jesus, "I can't pray right now, I'm studying for my Theology final. I can't read your Word right now, I'm doing some paperwork for the ministry." I never once allowed Jesus to tell me what was important to Him.

In the ultimate act of selfishness and pride, not only do we fail to spend enough time with Him, but we tell Him that our work and leisure are too important to entrust to Him. We are going to control our agenda since we think we can do a better job, all in the hope of living a full and meaningful life."

The author sums up this very important reminder (at least to me) as follows:

"I understand the compulsion that drives us to make every second count, but we need to surrender and trust that to God, for He is much more capable of giving meaning to our lives than we ever could ever be. It's extremely important to work hard when it is appropriate to do so, but we must also remain balanced and flexible. We need keep our priorities straight."

Indeed, we do. I'm still arranging my priorities.

What about you?

I hope my devotional today has touched you as much as it has touched me...

But...

... now, I'm sorry. I wished I hadn't done that. I hope you slept ok last night.

I couldn't sleep either. Tossing and turning in bed until I don't know what time.

*sigh*

I once promised to not meddle with your sleeping time.
Now I promise not to meddle with your life.
Let's make up and shake hands.
Let's put each other out of misery.

I miss you...

The Weekend

This Saturday is National Day.

I don't really think it's a big deal actually. Maybe it's because I never thought it was a big deal to celebrate an anniversary... such as a birthday. I never thought much of birthdays, so that's why I can't remember other people's birthday. Yet in the past years, I thank GOD for friends who feel differently about birthdays. Because although I don't think much of my own, they think enough of it to surprise me or just to have dinner with me or something.

Anyways, back to the weekend.

There're 2 events happening over the weekend. There's night cycling on Friday night with the youths of PLCMC. At first, my straight answer is no. But over the last couple of days, I began to long for the strenuous exercise and the overexertion of staying up overnight and cycling. I began to want to go for it. So why not go for it? Well, because, like I told Joanna, I really feel quite detached from them already. I can still mingle with them, sure. I can mingle with almost anyone! But it's gonna be quite superficial. Of course, I don't expect a heart talk or crying or deep talks about life during a night cycling trip... It's all about fun anyways. But amidst the fun, there's an emptiness knowing that the people you're hanging out with are just a bunch of people who know you as a clown or entertainer or something. And they've already got a couple of such people with them. Haha! Yet, who says we can't be superficial and hang out in a huge laughing, panting, cycling group? Besides, there're people there whom I would've gone for, just because they're there.

So should I go for night cycling?

2nd event: National Day Parade. I've never actually attended attended a National Day Parade. The closest to having attended one was in 2005... 3 years ago. But that's because I was in NS and my unit was part of the organizing brigade. And yes, I was there at the grounds. But we were sitting in a room listening to comms and praying that none would fail, and that we would get back our whole inventory at the end of the whole messy event.

So, no, I'm not intending to attend the parade. What I want though, is to take photos of fireworks! Recently, I chanced upon a thread revealing a new location for NDP fireworks photography. It's somewhere ulu in Tanjong Rhu area... Then I was thinking of going some other ulu place to shoot, because I just want the fireworks against the city skyline. I want a cliched Singapore photo, at a not-so-cliched angle. But I don't wanna shoot alone. K, maybe I do. But it'd be nice if there were someone else with me, taking photos too, or just talking. So I thought of Doris. And maybe I'll look for Shawn too. Maybe even Carolyn? But before I think of people, I guess I need to confirm the location and the time, and more importantly, whether I even want to shoot. Haha!

So should I?

The Evolution of Digital Technology

On a recent trip to Sim Lim with brother Bingjun, we discovered that there's something called Firewire 400 and Firewire 800. By logical deduction, we concluded that Fire 400 was old technology i.e. the most current one that most of us have on our laptops but don't use it much or even at all. We were looking at 3.5" 1TB (that's terabyte for all you cool punky non-geeks) harddisks, and the price difference between one with Firewire 800 connection and one without is quite significant. So we tasked ourselves (actually, I tasked me) to go home and do some research first. After all, I'm not in a hurry to get another high-capacity harddisk, and COMEX is coming up at the end of the month.

Well, as procrastination goes, I didn't do my research. Not until last night when I tried scanning some film did I realize I don't have much space left! Well, I was scanning Medium Format (hereon known as MF; not to be confused with Manual Focus) film at the highest resolution my scanner could scan at. When I can't scan anymore, I was told that I ran out of disk space! Shocked, I went to check my remaining space: 400+ MB. 400MB!!! How can that be? I couldn't figure out what took up all the space since I haven't been shooting much lately and I haven't been downloading at all. I had no choice but to not save the scanned photos. What a waste of time.

Well, I guess I DO need a new harddisk now. Don't know if I can last till end of the month. I'm guessing yes. But I need to know more than those punk temp sales-kids before the show, otherwise I'd be buying a load of junk and I'd be happy about it.

So I Yahoo!ed Firewire 800. Lo and behold! Firewire 800 has transfer speeds of up to 800Mbps! 800!!! That's twice that of Firewire 400 man! And for all you non-geeks, Mbps = megaBITS per second, not megaBYTES... What's the difference? Generally, 8bits = 1byte, so Firewire 800 has a transfer rate of 100MBps. Firewire 800 is also known as IEEE 1394b. IEEE 1394a (Firewire 400) has a slightly slower transfer rate than USB 2.0, that's why most people use USB 2.0 nowadays.

Anyways, in the midst of reading up, I discovered that there's a USB 3.0 due to be released soon! What's the difference then? Well, USB 3.0 has a tenfold increase in transfer rate from USB 2.0. That means 4.8Gbps! Ooooo... When that standard becomes ubiquitous, I think it's time for me to get a new laptop. Unfortunately, that's old news, apparently. USB 3.0 was due is the first half of 2008, but I haven't heard any buzz about it thus far. *shrugs* No matter. I foresee my laptop to last me another 2 or 3 years at least, so let's hope by then, things would've improved significantly and prices would've dropped significantly too. Heh heh heh... *rubs hands together*

For those of you lost in the jargon of technological chatter, I've decided to list the transfer speeds below:

USB 1.1: 12 Mbps
USB 2.0: 480 Mbps
USB 3.0: 4800 Mbps
Firewire 400: 400 Mbps
Firewire 800: 800 Mbps

Do note that in real world testing of USB 2.0 vs Firewire 400, the latter still emerges as winner in terms of speed even though specs say otherwise. In USB 2.0's defence, it was only behind by a marginal difference.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whoa... lots of crazy stuff in my head when I'm bored. Haha! Yes, I am VERY bored in office. To be honest, Compliance is less busy than CSC. No, let me rephrase that: I have less work at Compliance than I had at CSC. Me. I can't say for the others coz Miang Cze and Gavin are like, always busy... haha!

*sigh* Oh wells...

*yawn* I hate lunch. I hate even more, the time after lunch. Coz I feel like sleeping... *yawn*

Condemning Sakae Sushi

Had BS today... can't say that I gained much from it, like Cynthia. But in my case, I believe it's due to not preparing the BS materials beforehand, so like, I can't join in the discussions as fervently coz half the time, I was pondering the implications and deeper meanings of some verses. Well, serves me right for not doing homework. Haha! How can I ever join BSF like that?

Well, after BS, we headed for Sakae Sushi at Park Mall for lunch. Man, I totally condemn Sakae Sushi from now on. Not only is the food not nice, the price is not right, and there's no service at all. I ordered like 4 or 5 plates of sushi, Tiff ordered some other stuff... Zhenhao too. In the end, my lunch was only 1 soft shell crab handroll (that was only half filled), and lots of ginger slices. Tiffany and Zhenhao weren't any better. In the end, our lunches have got to be the cheapest ever from a japanese restaurant.

After lunch, Tiffany and I went to PS to have a walkaround. I was looking for a pedestal fan for my room. My criteria: remote controlled, able to swing left to right and up and down, as cheap as possible to have those functions. So far, the cheapest I've found is about $128, from Carrefour. Think it's Toyomi or Mistral... can't remember. Either way, hai... that means I need to fork out another $100++ for ventilation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was listening to my iPod just now, and this songs touches my heart. It's so sad... and somehow I feel like I can relate to it... not in any way that I can fathom though. So with the following lyrics, I bid everyone good night.

"I look out my window
At the world I once owned,
And I see it's still spinning round.
But somewhere above me,
A light I once knew
No longer shines through the clouds.

But that's somebody else's moon tonight;
Those're somebody else's stars.
They're no longer mine
Cause somewhere tonight,
You're in somebody else's arms.

Remember the wishes
We made in the night,
When dreams were supposed to come true?
Well I do cause you
Put the stars in my eyes,
As you softly promised the moon.
That's somebody else's moon tonight...
They're no longer mine,
Cause somewhere tonight,
You're in somebody else's arms."

-Colin Raye: Somebody Else's Moon

*blank*

Going out with Tiffany and Patrick often leads to conversations about 2 main things: lame ice-blended ba-hu drinks, and life & work... and when we talk about work, it's always about how xian work is and all. And it got me thinking: is it gonna be like that for the rest of my life? Meeting up with friends to complain about work grievances...

Today, I realized something about my job-hunting attitude. I don't feel the urgency in finding a proper permanent job, because I do not want to settle for something less than what I like, or what I think I would enjoy. I really want a job that I will enjoy. And though things will eventually get mundane, at least I have a longer period of happiness than something that I don't like right from the start. The bank is just a means of sustanence for me meanwhile. I doubt I'll ever take up a permanent position in a bank.

My dad told me before he left for the US, that I shouldn't keep on searching for the perfect job, because there'll never be one. Work is about earning money, yes. But earning money is not the goal. So, I should spend the money to buy the things I like, but shopping and spending money is not the goal either. Buying the things you like so that you can enjoy life is the end-point of work. In the end, whether we like to work or not, we ought to enjoy living and enjoy life. Because nobody would "like to work", no? Like, if it's ever possible, everyone wouldn't want to work. But that's not possible because we need to have money for living. But just keep in mind that money isn't everything and we should never make money everything.

K, he didn't exactly say all that. Some were my inferences. But that's the gist I got from him.

I also realized why I get irritated when people start pushing me to set a date where I will have to realize "what I want" isn't gonna turn up anytime soon, and I will have to settle for "something less" in the meantime. Because I'm a last minute person, and I'm also a pretty impromptu person. I do things at the moment. I don't like to plan so much. All my life, I have been doing things when the time felt right, when the mood felt right, when things just felt right. That's why I am unable to set a date, say 31st December 2008, that if I can't find a job I want by then, I will consider a permanent job in the bank, IF I'm still working at the bank. No. That's not me. I foresee that I will be just hanging around working at the bank for the sake of passing time slightly more (or less, depending on how you see it) meaningfully whilst waiting for doors to be opened. The time will come one day when I will realize that I ain't going anywhere and I need to start exploring other areas. I have to let that realization dawn upon me. I can't set it to dawn upon me. It's kinda like letting nature take its course, except this isn't nature. I don't have a name for this, but all the same, I have to let it take its course.

On to lamer things. I just went to the toilet, and I found out something else that can be seen in your shit! So far, there's worms, sesame seeds if u eat alot, kangkong, and corn kernels. Today, I'll add to that list, lady's finger seeds. Pretty big and round, and white. Makes shit look polka dotted. Haha!

Hai... I remember having much more to say than this. But after shitting and getting distracted by a Stephen Chow show, I forget everything.

Oh yes, today I went back to office to take over from Geraldine, the work I would be doing. After the 44th floor, I went down to 27th floor to say hi to CSC. On the way, I met various other ppl, and almost everyone was like, "did you lose weight?" Haha! Well, I don't think so, but I don't mind losing some weight. Not like I need to lose weight though, but I wouldn't mind losing some.

Just now when I just got home, I turned on the mister (not the Mr. that mister; a mister is a device that produces mist) to mist my soon-to-be scorpion tank. Saw some tiny insects trying to crawl up the glass. Yay! Spontaneous life! I'm thinking of planting more mosses inside, throwing some dead leaves in every once in awhile. Hopefully, I'll get some mushroom spores too, and maybe some other insect's eggs. Maybe I'll get springtails, or bristletails. And I definitely want to catch some pill bugs to put in there. I've always been interested to create a self-sustaining terrarium. But I believe this is too small to be one. I have to keep replenishing the food supply with things like dead leaves, rotting pieces of wood, and live crickets for the scorpion to catch. Maybe I can catch cockroaches from my kitchen and throw them in next time. =) What an environmentally and ecologically superior way of killing a cockroach.

Ok... blabber aside, I think I need to go sleep now. BS tmr. *sigh* Haven't done the BS materials yet. I'll just have to go through it tmr while the rest are discussing.

G'night everyone.

And have a happy BBQ, OCF.